becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
