Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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