Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
