College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
you had me at cake vodka
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
