remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
