I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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