I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
