i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
