I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Blood and glitter go together right?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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