a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wish I could teleport
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
