But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
