i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
