Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
