I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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