is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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