walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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