he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
