I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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