just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
