you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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