It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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