Your face is a jimmy john
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
