he wants to bone in the snuggie
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
