Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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