I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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