so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize