you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize