OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
