White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
