Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
from now on my penis is your penis
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize