Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
