then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize