Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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