dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
