this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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