oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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