this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
