Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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