i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
