he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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