The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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