Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
