My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
it's like iHOP with fire
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
