): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
