Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?

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(516): View more from New York

Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.

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(914): View more from New York

If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.

(914): View more from New York

I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.

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(716): View more from New York

Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.

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(602): View more from Arizona

This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.

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(317): View more from Indiana

Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night

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