someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
do nipples grow back?
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