I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
