Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
