No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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