Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
