if you like me you must not know who I am
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
