I'm lost and stupid without you.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
