we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
