My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize