I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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