using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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