Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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