do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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