he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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