Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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