I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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